So up until now I have kept a manual/written sort of journal. Okay, it's only been a couple of months and I'll admit I don't do it everyday, but sometimes I do have more than one entry per day. Well going back reading that and even reading my first entry here I realized my thoughts don't relate to paper the way they quite do in my brain. Maybe it's because I have so many and they overwhelm and flood my brain and trying to convey them is just impossible. Maybe it's because I think NO ONE can possibly understand so what exactly is the point??? For whatever reason, at this time I feel that I MUST do this or attempt to or I will slip over the ledge and go completely insane. At any rate I will try to keep pushing forward and continue to do so. I have decided the best way is just to keep doing both with hopes that somehow there will be some organization to all of it in the end.
I started my meds yesterday, generic form of Provigil, Modafinil it's called. It seems to be pretty uneventful so far. I will have to admit I was terrified, thinking I would be all "cracked out" on it, but since the alternative was falling asleep at my desk I gave it a shot and much to my amazement I was a bit alert. The problem was it was very short lived. I wonder if everyone has this same issue or if maybe it will build up in my system and start working wonders. We will see. I am currently on day two and it was even shorter today but hoping that eventually it will build up and I will have better days. Of course that is my life anyway, some good some not so good and some down right awful. Well here's hoping tomorrow is GREAT!
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